My dog had Cancer; November 1990

This is a day, October 27, 1990 I’ve been dreading all week. I’m writing this in November 1990. It’s taken me this long to get over it a little. I don’t think I’ll ever get over it fully and what an impact it had on me personally. In the afternoon Charlie took Kelly to the vet and told Dr. H to put Kelly to sleep. I’ll explain how I lead up to that decision. On the 23rd of October, I came home form Marla’s at around one o’clock, as I entered the basement I could hear Kelly start to have one of his seizures. Every time he has a seizure it gives me such pain because I know there is nothing for me to do but wait and hop it’s over soon. At that moment I realized I couldn’t stand to seem him go through any more pain. The only alternative would be to put him to sleep. At least I knew this is what the vet would tell me. In November of ‘89 Dr. H said we would have to decided at some point when Kelly’s quality of life wasn’t very good any more. Anyways I phoned the vet a few hours later. I explained to Dr. H that Kelly was having on average of five seizures a week, usually within a twenty four hour period. Kelly had to lay down to eat because he couldn’t stand or sit for very long. He was having trouble getting up and down the stairs, he seemed confused and he had something coming out of his eyes which was causing his fur on his face to fall out. Dr. H said it doesn’t sound like epilepsy but possible a tumor and as I told you a year ago you should decide how Kelly’s quality of life really is. I told Charlie what he said, he wasn’t too happy about it. The way I think he felt is that he didn’t want to put Kelly to sleep. If he was very attached to Kelly I really doubt it, but I could be wrong. In my mind I had already decided that it had to be done soon. I had noticed lately how sad Kelly really looked, almost like he was saying please help me. I talked to Marla on the 26th. By then Charlie had made up his mind actually on the 23rd, he told me he would take Kelly in on the Saturday to be put to sleep. Anyways I asked Marla how it was for her when she put their dog down. She said I think you’re at the same point as we were. Our dog looked so sad and seemed to be saying do something please. Talking to her did help me even though I knew it would be extremely difficult to let go. I had a number of talks with Kelly, as painful as they were. I hoped he would understand what I was trying to tell him. I told him I loved him a lot, that it hurt me something terrible to hear him cry out in pain every time he had a seizure, but I felt I had to put him to sleep. Once he was asleep he wouldn’t feel any more pain and he would be with Missy. Say hi to Missy for me when you get there okay Kelly? I told him. I talked to him on Friday and again on Saturday. All the while I was talking I brushed him. I wanted him to look good before he left. Then the horrible moment came. Alex was watching TV, so he didn’t know wheat was happening. I put Kelly’s leash on and I said I love you a lot Kelly, goodbye. Charlie said stop that. I said just go. Finally they left and while they were going Charlie said now Kelly knows something is up. I had to say goodbye. I cried just before Charlie said stop that and was still crying after they left. I felt so number after they left I tried to keep busy but my mind kept on coming back to Kelly. I wondered if I had done the right thing or not, but in the back of my mind I knew Kelly shouldn’t go on like that anymore. I still feel it isn’t right that we had to decide to put Kelly to sleep. I had hoped he would go in his sleep. Charlie got back at three o’clock. I didn’t ask any details I just didn’t want to know at that time. Charlie told later without me asking. The next day Charlie had to work so we went out. I couldn’t stand being in the house and know Kelly wasn’t coming back. Sometimes I thought the vet would phone and say Kelly was alright and we could come and get him. The next few days were the worst and I would choke up and come very close to tears. Couldn’t see how I would ever go on. I did cry over the next few days which seemed to help me get over my grief. One of the hard things to do is to tell someone. I told Dr. S and Allison on Tuesday, it was all I could do to contain myself while telling Allison. Alex didn’t find out about Kelly until the four days later. Alex asked Pa where Kelly was, Pa said at the vets. Then he asked me why. I said because Kelly is very sick. Then Alex asked when is Kelly coming back. I said he isn’t. Alex said don’t be funny, Mama. When is he coming back. I said Alex he isn’t coming back. Ales said why is he in Heaven. I said yes. Alex said and you didn’t even tell me? The he ran to his room. Alex was a bit upset but he took it quite well. Marla figures because Kelly like their dog was away from the rest of the family.. The child doesn’t miss them as much. It’s taken me days to write this. It’s still hard talking about putting kelly to sleep but I do feel better about doing it. He had too much pain for any dog to endure. November 2014 The years following Kelly’s passing, I didn’t get another dog. Having to put him to sleep was too much for me and I didn’t think I could do it again. In 2008 my father passed away and he had asked me to take his dog Max. I had since divorced Charlie and was in a relationship. My future husband at the time lived in Saskatchewan. So we moved Max with me to Saskatchewan. During the months following we thought Max was depressed. My husband pushed for me to get another dog. So in December of 2008 we went to a breeder and looked at puppy Pugs. I feel in love with the runt of the litter. I called him Hoss and he made my adjustment to Saskatchewan so much easier. Now we have 6 dogs. Max a 15 years old Cairn Terrier, Hoss a 6 years old Pug, Boozer a 5 year old Pug, Diesel, Smokey and Holly who are 2 year old Pugs. I loved my dogs dearly, I guess I making up for lost time!

My dog had Cancer; November 7, 1989

After the one o’clock feeding Samantha woke up at three o’clock. I picked her up and she fell asleep almost right away. I put Samantha back to her crib and went back to sleep myself. Samantha woke up again at six o’clock and nine o’clock. After the nine o’clock feeding I had a shower and got dressed. Alex had a bath earlier, gotten dressed and was having his breakfast. I had my breakfast as well. After breakfast I expressed my milk and sterilized a bottle. Alex turned the TV so loud that it woke Samantha up. Luckily she went back to sleep. Charlie told Alex to turn the TV down he had woken Samantha up. Alex said So what I don’t care! I said What! Do you want to watch TV down in the basement. Alex just laughed. We are having quite a time with him. I did a few loads of laundry and put the garbage into the compactor. After Alex had his lunch I asked him to get ready for school. Alex had come to tell Charlie that Kelly was having a seizure. Kelly had one last night at nine o’clock. I had talked to Dr. Hi this morning. He said to stop the valium and to give Kelly Rivotral three times a day, a dose of 2 pills. Dr. Hi said it looks like Kelly has a tumour because epilepsy can be controlled with medication and Kelly’s seizure doesn’t seem to be controlled with medication. I told him Kelly was disorientated, walks in circles and looses control of his bladder. Dr. Hi said that’s from the tumour not the medication. Dr. Hi said at some point you are going to have to make a decision. I tided up the house and got Alex ready for school. Alex didn’t want to wear what I had picked out. They’re having their pictures taken today. Alex actually wanted to wear a sweat suit. Alex finally agreed to wear the sweater and cord pants I had picked out. I took Alex to school while Charlie stayed at home with Samantha. When I came home Charlie went grocery shopping. Marla and Paxton came before Charlie left. They brought Samantha a present, socks with rattles in them. They didn’t stay long as they had to go get Lanie. Samantha and I went to get Alex. By the time we got there, Alex was coming out of the school. When we got home I fed Samantha and put her in her crib. I started to cook dinner, clean up the kitchen and wrote in the journal. We ate dinner at six o’clock. Samantha had another feeding at six thirty, she had a long feeding for twenty minutes. I put her back in her crib. Alex put away his toys and got ready for bed. He watched Cosby of course. I read him a story then he went to sleep. I watched TV and wrote in the journal. It’s now almost nine thirty I’m going to go to bed.

My dog had Cancer; November 2, 1989

Samantha woke up for her feeding at three thirty. After I had put her back to her crib I checked on Alex. He woke up and told me he was hot and had a headache. I took his temperature, it was a bit up. I gave Alex Tempera but Alex still didn’t feel well. Alex started to cry that his head really hurt. Charlie was awake by this time, he said Alex could sleep with me. I told Alex he couldn’t cry when he came into our room as he might wake up Samantha. Alex said okay, he asked me to put my arm on him while we slept. Samantha woke up again at eight o’clock. Mom and Dad were already up. Her next feeding was at noon. Alex wasn’t well today, he didn’t go to school today. He followed me every where I went and wanted me to sit with him. It was rather difficult as I had to look after Samantha as well as do all the chores. Alex’s temperature was up, I gave him Tempera throughout the day. Maybe Halloween was too much for him. Mom had made dinner as usual. I feel rather guilty that she has to go to so much trouble. They want to use up their meat. They have a whole freezer full of meat. Mom said she thought she would be using it when Blair came down but Blair ate at the hospital. Samantha ate at four o’clock and again at eight thirty. Charlie and I picked Kelly up from the vets at six o’clock. Kelly sure doesn’t look very good. He looks so upset and his eyes are blood shot. Kelly is very dopey from all the medication they gave him today. The vet said Kelly is a severe epileptic, he put Kelly on valium as well as Rivotral. It sure is bad seeing him like this. Alex seems to be feeling a lot better now. He got ready for bed at seven thirty. I went to bed at nine o’clock.

My dog had Cancer; November 1, 1989

Samantha had a one thirty and five thirty feeding. Then she had an eight o’clock feeding. I gave her a bath before her noon feeding. In between that, I had a shower, got dressed and had my breakfast. I also did the laundry and emptied the garbage. I took Alex to school, Mom watched Samantha while I was gone. I rested until it was time to get Alex. I fed Samantha at three thirty. We ate dinner at five o’clock. Alex, Charlie and I went out while Mom and Dad watched Samantha. We went to Canada Trust, I needed to sign the T-Bill account. Then we went to London Drugs and came home. When we got to the driveway Dad was waiting for us, he looked very upset . My heart dropped when I saw him. Then Mom came out too. They said Kelly was having seizures and they couldn’t get them to stop. Mom figured Kelly had about seven seizures by the time we got home. I phoned the Port Coquitlam Animal Hospital. I was told all the doctors had gone home. They finally gave me an emergency number which was for Eagle Ridge Animal Hospital. I phoned Dr. Hi at home and told him the problem I was having. Dr. Hi said he would meet us there. Charlie put Kelly into Dad’s station wagon. Charlie, Dad and I took Kelly to the vets. Kelly had two more seizures in the car. Dr. Hi said he would started working on Kelly right away and he would phone us tomorrow morning. Not long after we got home the vet phoned he said Kelly had a temperature of 106F and they had been able to get him stabilized. He said he would phone again tomorrow. It sure is an awful feeling when Kelly has seizures like that. It’s bad enough when he has one let alone continually. Dad kept asking me if I was alright. I stayed upstairs for quite awhile. Alex went to bed at eight o’clock. After Samantha’s nine thirty feeding I went to bed.

My dog had Cancer; September 24, 1989

I woke up at eight thirty. I had another night where I didn’t sleep very well. The baby did a lot of kicking, he or she didn’t like the way I was lying down. Once I changed positions the baby stopped kicking so much. The other problem is my bladder kept on getting full and there was a pain. I don’t know if it was my bladder or something else. I had my shower, got dressed and had breakfast. Alex was already up, he was watching tv. Later in the morning Alex asked me if today was Kelly’s birthday today or tomorrow. I said today is Kelly’s birthday and he’s eight years old. Alex said we should make something and put a candle on it. I said putting a candle on something isn’t a good idea. Kelly will be scared of the fire on the candle. How about a rice crispy square, Kelly really likes them. Alex said okay. We went out to the back deck and sang “Happy Birthday” to Kelly and gave him his treat. Charlie came back from grocery shopping. Alex told him what we had done. Charlie thought that was pretty silly. After lunch we went to Metrotown. I need to buy a bathrobe and a pair of slippers. I found the bathrobe at Woodward’s and slippers at Sears. I had trouble getting the slippers to fit. My feet are swollen still and I can hardly wear my shoes. We went to the Won Ton House in Vancouver to buy barbequed meat. Then we bought a submarine sandwich for Alex and myself. I have a lot of cravings in this pregnancy then with Alex. Actually with Alex I didn’t have any cravings at all. Alex and I ate dinner when we got home. Charlie went to cut the lawn. After dinner we watched tv. Alex went to bed at eight o’clock. I watched tv and went to bed at eleven o’clock.

My dog had Cancer; July 20, 1989

I woke up at eight thirty. Alex and I got up about the same time. Alex watched tv while I went downstairs to check on Kelly. Kelly had been howling so I wanted to see what was the matter. Kelly had to go out and couldn’t wait. Kelly had blood on his fur and the floor. He must have had another seizure this morning. That’s a total of five seizures in three days. He sure isn’t doing very well. I left a message for Dr. H on Tuesday morning but I never got a call back from him. Then on Wednesday morning I left another message. Dr. H wasn’t there so I left a message with Dr. R. by four o’clock I hadn’t heard from him either so I phoned again. I was concerned about Kelly and I didn’t know whether to increase his medication. The nurse said he was on a call but would phone back as soon as possible I never heard back from him again. We had gone out at five so maybe he called later. I had my shower and we had breakfast. I phoned the vet again. Dr. H and Dr. R are both not in today. Dr. I phoned me back, he said to start giving Kelly two pills twice a day. I asked him about the blood in his salvia. Dr. I said he could have bitten his tongue, broken a tooth or put too much pressure on his gums during his seizure. I said I wondered if it was coming from somewhere else. Dr. I said the blood could only come from somewhere else if Kelly had thrown up. Dr. I also said if Kelly has any trouble chewing or eating we should bring him in. Kelly is doing a lot of pacing right now and sniffing everything in sight. He seems to do alright during the day but once evening comes that’s when the seizures occur. Dr. I said that was because the brain is not so active in the evening and early morning, as it is during the day at least I have an explanation as to why they happen more at those times. After lunch Patrick came over to play with Alex. Later on they played in the sandbox. Mom and Dad came over, they brought Alex two t-shirts for when he starts school. Mom said she was feeling okay, they had been to Metrotown. They didn’t stay long as they had left Geordie in the house since early this morning. I did a lot of laundry today, six loads of laundry. Then I put away Alex’s toys while they were in the sandbox. Patrick went home around three o’clock. Alex stayed out in the sandbox for about fifteen minutes then he watched tv. Charlie came home at four o’clock. He said my car started fine both times. Kurt phoned Alex at five o’clock, he came over. Benjamin came to the door at five thirty but I told Alex to tell him we would be having dinner soon. We sent Kurt home before six o’clock. After dinner I exercised, put away Alex’s toys with the help of Alex, watered the plants, swept the kitchen floor and collected the garbage. Alex went to bed at nine o’clock. We watched tv and went to bed at eleven o’clock.

My dog had Cancer; July 19, 1989

I woke up after seven o’clock. Kelly had woken me up, he was barking. I went downstairs to see what he wanted. Kelly wanted to go out. He had a seizure at four o’clock this morning. I didn’t know he was having one but Charlie told me when he had come back to bed. So when I came down at seven o’clock, he had another seizure. This time there was blood all over his fur. I had given Kelly a pill after four o’clock and then again after seven o’clock. I don’t know if it was a good idea but I wanted to make sure he didn’t have another seizure. Kelly seems to be okay, he bounces right back. I had a shower, got dressed and had my breakfast. Alex woke up shortly afterwards. He had breakfast and got dressed. Alex phoned Kurt at nine o’clock. He asked Kurt if he wanted to play and he cold come over to Kurt’s house if he wanted. Kurt said no he didn’t want to play. Alex was upset that Kurt didn’t want to play. Alex phoned Patrick a little later but he couldn’t hear Patrick so he had to hang up the phone. By this time Alex was pretty upset, he said now what am I going to do? I said try not to be too upset, there’s nothing I can do if your friends don’t want to play. Alex played in his room for awhile then Patrick came to the door. I have no idea what he said on the phone but maybe he told Alex he would be over later. They played in the sandbox form eleven o’clock until noon then Patrick went home. After lunch we went to the T.D. Bank at Prairie Mall. When we came out to the car the car wouldn’t start. I tried for quite awhile but it still wouldn’t, it’s the battery again. I called BCAA but they didn’t come for more than half an hour. It was really hot waiting for them to come. I started to feel sick, just not my day! We came home right away, I didn’t want to get stuck somewhere else. When Charlie came home I told him my car needs a new battery. I said I want the car fixed. Charlie said so what do you want me to do about it, we can’t afford a new car. I said I didn’t say anything about a new car. I’m not well, I’m sick and it’s very hard on me to be getting stuck every time I want to go somewhere. I think he might have finally got my point. I said I was going out later in his car to finish my shopping Charlie said we might as well go together. We went to Coquitlam centre mall then we went to see Mom. She had to have minor surgery this afternoon. She had a polyp in her colon. A terrible operation, Mom wasn’t able to eat anything since Monday (2 days ago) she was able to have jello and pop. She had the surgery at Royal Columbian Hospital. Mom had freezing in her hip and valium put into her vein. She said the doctor asked her to count to ten and then she doesn’t remember anything after that. She woke up and asked Dad if she had it yet. Dad said yes you’re all finished. Once she was able to get up they let her leave. They had an appointment at Van City so they went there afterwards. Mom said the doctor left her a message that they had removed two polyps and to phone him next week for the results. She said she was glad to get it over with. I asked her how Dad took it all, was he beside himself with worry? Mom said yes, he didn’t like the idea of her having the surgery. She told him by three o’clock it would be all over with. We played a game of cards while Alex fell asleep on a blanket on the floor. He must have been really tired. We came home at nine thirty. Alex said he wasn’t feeling very well but he couldn’t tell me what was the matter. Alex had a snack and went to bed at eleven o’clock. I had my snack and was going to bed when I heard Kelly breathing really heavily. Kelly had another seizure, there was blood on his fur again. Charlie cleaned him up and gave him another pill. We got to bed by eleven thirty.